A few thoughts on GLBT teen suicide

This past week our community experienced a terrible loss. On the morning of Monday, October 29th, 16 year old Ian Benson (also known as Ian Guarr and Meghan Guarr) took his own life.

Ian's Mom, Amy Guarr, was a co-founder of TransYouth Family Advocates (TYFA), an organization I have become increasingly familiar with over the past several months. In fact they recently signed on as a national supporter of Camping.OUT 2008.

From what I can tell Ian's family, and especially his Mom, did everything right. Their family are close friends of Colette Beighley, our West Michigan Field Organizer, and her family. Through Colette and my interactions with TYFA, I have gotten to know more about Ian and his family.

I've struggled a lot with this experience and haven't been totally sure what I wanted to say. I really wanted to try and be uplifting - if that's at all possible - but I don't think that I can when it comes to this. I see a lot of frightening statistics on GLBT suicides. For instance, GLBT youth are 3-4 times more likely to attempt suicide. I've been told that a GLBT teen dies once every hour in the US of suicide. When it comes to transgender youth, 50% seriously consider suicide at some point. I can't dance around or sugar coat the situation that is before us.

This is a topic that we often don't talk about for a variety of reasons. The loss of a child is a particularly hard thing to deal with. While we often talk about it abstractly with statistics and studies, we often feel uncomfortable talking about specific situations. In the past when I have heard people talk about it, they usually try to find some factor that led to the suicide. The reasons range from bad parents, harsh church leaders, side effects from drugs and bullying. While all of those things are true, we often skip over a reason that, I believe, is a much larger problem and cause of GLBT teen suicide - the climate our society has created.

It's hard to blame an entire society for the passing of a child. We can't pass the blame to people like parents, companies or extremist religious leaders. This is something that we all must share.

Now don't get me wrong, do I think you or I are directly responsible for these suicides? No. But we must accept that we are members of a society which is not embracing and accepting these young people for the amazing and beautiful people that they are.

I take comfort in knowing that I'm doing many things to try and make this society a safer place for these young people. But, I don't want to pat myself on the back too much or forget that it is people like Ian that I am doing this work for.

We all owe it to ourselves, to our children and to Ian and his family to contribute what we can, however large or small, towards making the society we are a part of better for those around us. I hope that instead of reading about Ian, mourning his loss and then moving on - you will take a moment and consider what you are doing, or might be able to do, to help. Maybe you'll decide that you're doing enough and this will serve as a reminder of why you're doing it. Or perhaps you'll realize that you could be doing more. Whatever conclusion you come to - I hope that you will recognize that ultimately there is no them - there is only us...and we have a long way to go.

On a personal note, to Ian's family and friends - I am so very sorry for your loss. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. To Ian - I am sorry that we were not able to fix our society fast enough to help and I hope you know how much you are loved and will be missed. There are a lot of us who will never forget you.


If you are, or you know, a young person thinking of suicide, please know that you are not alone and help is available. Contact The Trevor Project immediately at 1-888-488-7386 or visit www.thetrevorproject.org for help and more information.