In addition to the tragic news of a shooting at Northern Illinois University, many of us have also been deeply impacted by the news of a gay and gender bending middle school student who was shot in the head, was subsequently pronounced brain dead and died...
Each of these incidents causes my heart to sink... So many young lives wasted this week... The NIU incident is jarring for me personally because of my time working in Student Affairs and the respect I have for folks working in higher education and for the students working to better themselves. However, the death of Lawrence King - the gay and gender bending youth - brings me to tears.
Lawrence was 15-years-old - an eighth-grader in middle school - and he was shot by a 14-year-old classmate. Before you read any further...take a moment to digest that...we're talking about two middle school students who weren't old enough to vote, drive a car or even enter high school...
Many of the students interviewed have indicated that the two students had previously fought. The reason for these fights stemmed from Lawrence's sexual orientation and outward appearance and behavior - aka gender expression. Brandon McInerney is being charged with first-degree murder in Lawrence's death, with a special allegation that the killing was indeed a hate crime.
At least two lives have been destroyed because of heterosexism and transphobia. I said at least two, because I've seen situations like this unfold into people who work at the school losing their jobs and careers as a result of these incidents. In this case, from what I've seen, the school did a pretty good job going into this. It appears as though no one expected that this would happen and that the school had responded to previous reports of bullying.
It is TRULY amazing to me that a young person's motive for killing another young person would be that person's sexual orientation and gender identity. I have to imagine he intended on killing him as he shot him twice in the head. I also have to imagine that he knew he'd be throwing away his life in the process... He did it in front of a group of students and left the gun behind - not exactly a plan for "getting away with it" in my humble opinion.
I can't help but think of other lives wasted because of heterosexism and transphobia, including Ian Guarr and of course Matthew Shepard. I don't care what your attitude about homosexuality and transgender people is - how can anyone feel comfortable with a society that cultivates a mentality that pushes people's hatred towards anyone to the point where they decide to take another human being's life? Things have simply got to change - and I know we've said this before - but we must once again commit ourselves to making this change happen.
At Triangle Foundation we are doing many things to address the heterosexism and transphobia that exists. When people's hate boils to a point where they act out - we are also here to help the victims of hate. However, we know that there is more that needs to be done and frankly - we need your help.
Aside from the obvious step of supporting the work of Triangle Foundation and others - I have a suggestion for something that you can personally do to help fight the hatred that, in this case, has destroyed the lives of some of our young people. Hate doesn't just happen overnight. It is developed and, oddly enough, nurtured over time. However, I think we often are willing to dismiss the things that cause this to happen.
How many times have you had a family member forward a clearly racist or homophobic email and ignored it because...well...they're family and you don't want to start a conflict? Have you ever heard someone use a derogative word and let it slid because...after all...who are you to call them out on it? It is so evident to me, and many others, that these "simple" selection of words is truly a root of hatred. Granted, it's not the only root, but it is one that we see in our daily lives and that we are able to address.
I challenge you to not pass up on opportunities - so long as they are safe - where you can speak up and let someone know that you're not okay with their hateful language being used. Often times the other person doesn't think they're using hateful language - so use it as a teachable moment. There's no need to attack them verbally or belittle them - just let them know that you don't think what they've said is okay and share with them why.
I know this sounds like a simple step - but I am horrified at the number of times a young person who has perpetrated a hateful act claims the comfort and ease at which they could use hateful speech as evidence of society giving them permission to hate that group. "My teacher never tried to stop me from saying Fag or Gay in a negative way - so I figured that meant they agreed with me."
Hatred in any form is simply wrong and unnecessary. It is up to all of us to let those around us know that we do not agree with their hateful remarks, intentional or otherwise, and that they shouldn't either. Please - don't let these opportunities pass you by. I'm tired of seeing so much hatred and violence around us. Even if this only does a little bit to help - it's well worth the investment of time and energy.
To the family and friends of Lawrence King - I am so very sorry for your loss. Our community is also mourning the loss of Lawrence. I hope and pray that the day when things like this are no longer the way that we decide to settle our disagreements and differences is not far off.
Each of these incidents causes my heart to sink... So many young lives wasted this week... The NIU incident is jarring for me personally because of my time working in Student Affairs and the respect I have for folks working in higher education and for the students working to better themselves. However, the death of Lawrence King - the gay and gender bending youth - brings me to tears.
Lawrence was 15-years-old - an eighth-grader in middle school - and he was shot by a 14-year-old classmate. Before you read any further...take a moment to digest that...we're talking about two middle school students who weren't old enough to vote, drive a car or even enter high school...
Many of the students interviewed have indicated that the two students had previously fought. The reason for these fights stemmed from Lawrence's sexual orientation and outward appearance and behavior - aka gender expression. Brandon McInerney is being charged with first-degree murder in Lawrence's death, with a special allegation that the killing was indeed a hate crime.
At least two lives have been destroyed because of heterosexism and transphobia. I said at least two, because I've seen situations like this unfold into people who work at the school losing their jobs and careers as a result of these incidents. In this case, from what I've seen, the school did a pretty good job going into this. It appears as though no one expected that this would happen and that the school had responded to previous reports of bullying.
It is TRULY amazing to me that a young person's motive for killing another young person would be that person's sexual orientation and gender identity. I have to imagine he intended on killing him as he shot him twice in the head. I also have to imagine that he knew he'd be throwing away his life in the process... He did it in front of a group of students and left the gun behind - not exactly a plan for "getting away with it" in my humble opinion.
I can't help but think of other lives wasted because of heterosexism and transphobia, including Ian Guarr and of course Matthew Shepard. I don't care what your attitude about homosexuality and transgender people is - how can anyone feel comfortable with a society that cultivates a mentality that pushes people's hatred towards anyone to the point where they decide to take another human being's life? Things have simply got to change - and I know we've said this before - but we must once again commit ourselves to making this change happen.
At Triangle Foundation we are doing many things to address the heterosexism and transphobia that exists. When people's hate boils to a point where they act out - we are also here to help the victims of hate. However, we know that there is more that needs to be done and frankly - we need your help.
Aside from the obvious step of supporting the work of Triangle Foundation and others - I have a suggestion for something that you can personally do to help fight the hatred that, in this case, has destroyed the lives of some of our young people. Hate doesn't just happen overnight. It is developed and, oddly enough, nurtured over time. However, I think we often are willing to dismiss the things that cause this to happen.
How many times have you had a family member forward a clearly racist or homophobic email and ignored it because...well...they're family and you don't want to start a conflict? Have you ever heard someone use a derogative word and let it slid because...after all...who are you to call them out on it? It is so evident to me, and many others, that these "simple" selection of words is truly a root of hatred. Granted, it's not the only root, but it is one that we see in our daily lives and that we are able to address.
I challenge you to not pass up on opportunities - so long as they are safe - where you can speak up and let someone know that you're not okay with their hateful language being used. Often times the other person doesn't think they're using hateful language - so use it as a teachable moment. There's no need to attack them verbally or belittle them - just let them know that you don't think what they've said is okay and share with them why.
I know this sounds like a simple step - but I am horrified at the number of times a young person who has perpetrated a hateful act claims the comfort and ease at which they could use hateful speech as evidence of society giving them permission to hate that group. "My teacher never tried to stop me from saying Fag or Gay in a negative way - so I figured that meant they agreed with me."
Hatred in any form is simply wrong and unnecessary. It is up to all of us to let those around us know that we do not agree with their hateful remarks, intentional or otherwise, and that they shouldn't either. Please - don't let these opportunities pass you by. I'm tired of seeing so much hatred and violence around us. Even if this only does a little bit to help - it's well worth the investment of time and energy.
To the family and friends of Lawrence King - I am so very sorry for your loss. Our community is also mourning the loss of Lawrence. I hope and pray that the day when things like this are no longer the way that we decide to settle our disagreements and differences is not far off.
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1 comments:
Greg,
Your call to everyone to speak up when family and friends engage in hate speech is appropriate, but without solid tools, most of us fall short. We're shy, we're afraid, we don't "know how." To answer that need, the Southern Poverty Law Center has come up with a terrific program to teach people how to respond to derogatory language out in public. I've pasted a snippet from their website plus the link so people can download the entire (pdf) document which gives tons of examples and powerful words to practice and use when hateful language comes up.
Continued good luck in your work,
Alan Headbloom
SPEAK UP: Six Steps
http://www.tolerance.org/speakup/sixsteps.html
Whatever situation you're in, remember these six steps to help you speak up against everyday bigotry. In any situation, however, assess your safety, both physical and emotional. There is a risk, and that must be acknowledged as you make your own choice to Speak Up!
Be Ready. You know another moment like this will happen, so prepare yourself for it. Think of yourself as the one who will speak up. Promise yourself not to remain silent.
Identify the Behavior. Sometimes, pointing out the behavior candidly helps someone hear what they're really saying: "Janice, what I hear you saying is that all Mexicans are lazy" (or whatever the slur happens to be). Or, "Janice, you're classifying an entire ethnicity in a derogatory way. Is that what I hear you saying?"
Appeal to Principles. If the speaker is someone you have a relationship with — a sister, friend or co-worker, for example — call on their higher principles: "Bob, I've always thought of you as a fair-minded person, so it shocks me when I hear you say something that sounds so bigoted."
Set Limits. You cannot control another person, but you can say, "Don't tell racist jokes in my presence anymore. If you do, I will leave.” Or, "My workspace is not a place I allow bigoted remarks to be made. I can't control what you say outside of this space, but here I ask that you respect my wishes.” Then follow through.
Find an Ally/Be an Ally. When frustrated in your own campaign against everyday bigotry, seek out like-minded people and ask them to support you in whatever ways they can.
Be Vigilant. Remember: Change happens slowly. People make small steps, typically, not large ones. Stay prepared, and keep speaking up. Don't risk silence.
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